Monday, 29 December 2014

New Year's Re-Solution: Turning Lead into Gold


As I mentioned in the last post, Standing at the Threshold, we've reached that time of year again where we reflect on the past and look forward to making the next year better. Many of us write out our resolutions or intentions with high hopes that these changes will stick; that we will be a different person with a different life by 2016. We crave change, and want to see some sort of progress in our lives. We want to become unstuck. 

I heard the best explanation of the word 'resolution' today. Instead of seeing the word as 'resolution', see it as a 're-solution', a re-do of the 'solution' that you concocted from the previous year. Just like an alchemist turns lead into gold, you are essentially mixing different ingredients to create a better solution than the one from the previous year.

But, how does one create change, especially since you wanted to make changes last year and nothing happened. When the alchemist turns lead into gold, there has to be the right combination of ingredients and actions to make the gold a reality. Obviously, if the alchemist has failed to create gold in previous attempts, he/she must adjust the ingredients and the process. 

To create what we want in our own lives, we must change or adapt and become what we want to bring into our lives. This requires diligence and focus on our part. It requires adapting our thought processes. It also means being aware of our emotions and not falling back into our old way of thinking and being. It takes work, effort, and dedication.  It won't change over night. It's a process. 

Jeanette Winterso said, “It is not possible to control the outside of yourself until you have mastered your breathing space. It is not possible to change anything until you understand the substance you wish to change.” 

Understand yourself--this is what self-mastery is. It is knowing who you are and that you are the creator of your own life. The current circumstances that are occurring for you right now are manifestations from old vibrations. If you were to consciously choose your thoughts and emotions everyday for 30 days, you would see movement in your life that will surprise you. 

Dear beautiful souls, it is time to mix a new solution. Even if you aren't sure if you are adding the right components, just get started and adjust along the way. You don't need to know it all right now, just begin. 

Happy New Year!
Namaste.




Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Standing at the Threshold



As the holiday season approaches, most of us become more reflective about our lives, taking the time to slow down and determine what we truly want.

The other night while watching Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, I realized something with regards to what the ghost Jacob Marley said to Ebeneezer Scrooge: "I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”

Now, I don't believe we carry these things into the afterlife only because we return to pure positive energy when we do croak; however, I believe we carry these chains right now, and we add to the link the more we carry anger, resentment, regret, fear, and unhappiness. And it's always our choice to carry it or not. 
The good news is we are not alone. Most of us carry these chains because we have lost touch with who we truly are. We choose to bind ourselves with negativity, making it a form of protection, and not realizing that this is what is strangling us. The sad thing is, we are doing it to ourselves.  
Eckhart Tolle would say that these chains are ego-based. We hold onto these negative emotions for numerous reasons, including to feel in control, or feel we need to struggle or suffer to get to the good stuff. Maybe we feel holding onto these things will make us more aware. It won't hurt as much if we are already prepared, right? 





How can we let go when someone has hurt us, especially since we are angry with ourselves for allowing it? We can't move on because we are so busy looking back at what happened. We become paralyzed in our own negative emotion. 

Firstly, it's time to be honest with yourself: Are these negative emotions serving you? Maybe in the beginning you felt that they offered something to you for a short period of time. But, right now, in this moment, do you feel they serve you? No. They aren't. They are binding you, just like they did to Jacob Marley. You can't control other's actions, you can only control your own actions and reactions. 
When you come to this realization, that's when you start to feel the chains dropping away. 

The second thing to do is, when you feel like you are ready to react to a situation, which is all ego, send love to that person. Immaculee Ilibagiza, author of Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, said that when she came face to face with Hutu tribe members who were killing all Tutsi tribe members, she envisioned sending love to them, and discovered that they backed down, letting her pass to safety. If Immaculee can send love to people who had killed the majority of her family and friends, you can send love to someone you feel has wronged you. 

Dear friends, we are standing at the threshold of a new year. It's time to let go of the chains that bind you. 

Namaste.

Monday, 8 December 2014

Effort and Struggle






So many of us think that struggling is key to a happy life. You slug away at your job, your relationship, and your financial situation in hopes that, at some point, things will turn around. Maybe you believe that karma will balance things out because you've earned it. Right?

Seeing as this is a relationship blog, let's use relationships as an example: You've worked at your relationship for years. You've put in the time, the hard work, the struggle. Now, where's your reward? Isn't that how it goes? We are taught that if we struggle, it will justify our existence.

Here's the thing, there is no reward for struggling. Nope. Never. 
However, there is a reward for alignment and deliberately creating your life, and that does take work...but the good kind.

This leads us to knowing the difference between effort and struggle. Struggle means keeping your head above water so you won't drown. It means forcing. It means working so hard that you have nothing left to give at the end of the day. There is no gentleness in struggle. There is no flow in struggle. So, if you are struggling in a relationship, ask yourself why?




Effort, on the other hand, is a completely different thing. Effort is gentle. It is focused and determined. It is seeing the outcome and heading in that direction. Effort is required in everything we do: Getting dressed in the morning, driving to work, making a meal, writing a blog. Effort is also required in relationships. More importantly, balanced effort is a must. Balanced effort means that the goal of both people involved is to make the relationship amazing. It's not about making the other person happy, and vice-versa, because we cannot rely on others for our own happiness. 

It's about making the effort and taking the time to adjust your own vibration to what you want. It's never about arguing who is right. It's never about trying to get that person to respect you. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Truly, completely, and without reservation. Your partner will either adjust their own vibration to meet up with your new vibration, or they will simply fade away and someone else will come into your life that is a better match for you. 

The Universe doesn't make mistakes, and it will always comply with your vibration, regardless if you are deliberately creating it or creating by default. 

So, beautiful souls, get into the vibe of ease and flow; it will take effort, but the good kind. When you do, you will wonder why you didn't do it in the first place. 

Namaste! 




Monday, 1 December 2014

Don't Shoot the Messenger: Thanking the Messengers in Our Lives

I have mentioned before that we have many great teachers in our lives (see blog post here). However, let's elaborate on this a bit more.

When we are in a love relationship, and it starts to go sour, we are keen to blame the other person due to their actions and behaviours. We try to get them to act differently, become different just so we can feel better about the relationship and ourselves.

First, we can't make anyone do anything. Second, we are the only ones that can make ourselves feel better. And, third, we are attracting these people into our lives due to our energy, because the frequencies always match up (see blog post on this here).

But, let's take this a step further. These people that come into our lives are showing us something that we need to see. So, really, they are messengers.




Maybe you have been asking yourself how you can be happier. Maybe you've been wondering how to attract a better lover because the one you have, or the ones you have had, weren't stellar. The past relationships that we have experienced, or the one that is moving on right now, help us to catch a glimpse of how we feel about ourselves. Anything less than loving is unacceptable, and it's not up to someone else to love us so we can finally love ourselves---it is all up to us.

When these messengers come into our lives to show us what we need to see, and then the relationship begins to fizzle, we desperately hang on to try to get back all those good moments from earlier. Sometimes, we hang on for years, sometimes decades, just to make it work.

This isn't to say that putting effort into a relationship by seeking counselling isn't doable. However, most of us know when the relationship is at the point of no return.

We have to recognize that moment of having enough of the same old story. We have to recognize that moment of when it's time to back away. 

Take the experience of the relationship as what it is....an experience, an awakening to who you are. Don't blame. Just thank them for showing you what you needed to see, and then move on with your new found knowledge, knowing that you are getting better and better every single day. 

Stay true to yourselves, beautiful people. 
Namaste.  

Sunday, 23 November 2014

The False Self



You may have heard the saying that we can't define ourselves by our past because we aren't that person anymore.

Unfortunately, we love to be labelled by past situations and events as if they are the things that give us our identity. We hold onto them so tightly, believing that we will become nothing if we lose this part of ourselves. This is our false self. This is the ego that puts on a mask and prances around pretending to be us, only for us to discover much later that the ego could never be who we truly are.

Cynthia Bourgeault said, “Beginning in infancy (or even before) each of us, in response to perceived threats to our well-being, develops a false self: a set of protective behaviours driven at root by a sense of need and lack. The essence of the false self is driven, addictive energy, consisting of tremendous emotional investment in compensatory "emotional programs for happiness," as Keating calls them."

The ego loves to hold onto outworn beliefs because it feels the need to be validated. There is a fear of letting go of our past because we do not want to lose ourselves in the process lest we disappear into oblivion. We have become so comfortably acquainted to that part of ourselves that, even though it no longer works for us, we accept it as who we are, arguing that 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks.'

When we start to experience ourselves by what we want to be, how we want to act, who we want to be, rather than by the false self created by the ego, then that is when things begin to shift.

If we continue to define our lives by our situations, life events, and illnesses, then we will continue to have the same experiences, and change will not come.

Dr. Joe Dispenza says the ego is useful for things like determining fight or flight, and for measuring safety or danger. When the ego starts holding you back, making you feel rotten about yourself, then you have a serious problem on your hands.

Marianne Williamson said, "We are either walking toward love or we are walking toward fear." Which one are you walking toward? Are you fearful all of the time? Then you are letting ego have its way with you. Don't let the ego hold you hostage. Love is the only thing that is real.

Dear beautiful souls, reach for something better because you ARE already something better.

Namaste.

PS: Soul Love Awakening supports worldwide charities. Discover how at Prairiegirlpress.spreadshirt.ca .





Monday, 10 November 2014

What the Heart Wants






Emily Dickinson said,  “The heart wants what it wants- or it does not care.” 

This is an amazing quote, but highly misunderstood. This quote isn't about the heart only wanting one person--and no one else will do. The heart works on emotion, and on energy, so what the heart wants is the feeling. The heart wants the love. The heart wants to feel and experience that special connection. It wants to expand, because there is no greater feeling than love. Even the word 'love' is beautiful to say and beautiful to look at.

When we feel love, we feel that rush of dopamine, serotonin, and adrenalin. These are the fun chemicals that give our body a natural high. All of these get sent throughout our bodies, which makes us grow attached to that feeling, and connect it with a particular person. But it's not about that specific person that we want, but how they made us feel. 

If you are holding out for one person, hoping that they will come around and see how wonderful you are because you believe that’s what the heart wants...think again. Your heart wants to give you that rush, to please you. To get you into alignment.

This is why you should never get attached to the idea of 'the one' or a 'one true love'. Find someone who is your best friend and lover; someone who respects and loves you. Find someone who you feel a deep, beautiful love with, because, when you do, you will have discovered what the heart truly wants.  


Give yourselves amazing love, beautiful people, and you will attract the same. 
Namaste.


Monday, 3 November 2014

You Can't Put Whipped Cream on Top of Crap....


Most of us can attest to being in a relationship where things aren't going so well; where things seem to be crumbling all around us. 

You are lost and don't know what to do as you desperately try to put the pieces back together; trying to hold everything up with tape or glue, or whatever adhesive you have on hand, while you make only surface adjustments. 

Basically, you are putting whipped cream on top of crap and calling it a sundae, even though it'll still taste like crap. 

A relationship built on a rocky foundation is like being lost at sea, floating in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. The boat springs a leak, and you put one finger in the hole to stop the water from flowing in, only to discover another hole has appeared. You can continue to do this if you like, but it's not going to give you a long term solution. The boat will eventually sink.

So, what is the answer to building a strong foundation from day one of your relationship?

Apply the following (to yourself and to your lover): 
  • Love
  • Respect
  • Trust
  • Integrity
  • Appreciation
  • Loyalty
  • Friendship
This is a reciprocal thing based on giving and receiving from both parties. If there is no flow of the above, if the above does not exist, then the foundation will crumble. 


How to build a weak foundation: 
  • Base the relationship solely on physical attraction or sex.
  • Base the relationship on superficial/material things (like what they do for a living, money, where they live, what they drive, or the type of connections they can provide) 
  • Do not love yourself enough first.
  • Have very little in common with the other person. 
  • Begin a relationship because you are lonely.
  • Do not deal with your insecurities first.
  • You are looking for validation of your worth and lovability.

Enter into a new relationship with confidence, security, love, and appreciation for yourself first, because when you are able to give these key ingredients to yourself, you will be able to give them to another. However, if you are not receiving these things in return, then the relationship is not worth the effort. Love yourself enough to know this and to move on. 

Remember, you are worth the best that the world has to offer!

Much love to you! 
Namaste. 





Monday, 27 October 2014

Grace and Grieving


The loss of a lover is devastating, especially when you least expect it. Constantly questioning the 'why' of it, and the 'what ifs' will only leave you more confused.

You may question if you’ll ever move on or if you will ever experience any relief from the seemingly unbearable pain in your heart. Unfortunately, relief and healing do not come all at once; it’s a one foot in front of the other type of progression. In one minute, you will be fine, and in the next, you will be sucker punched by grief as it rips your heart out.



So, how do you move on when your loved one transitions to the non-physical?

1)      Take your time with healing. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s time to move on; only you can decide that. They do not know what you are going through, and everyone has their own pace. First and foremost, be gentle and loving with yourself.

2)      Make progress. Just like you need the time to heal, you also need to take steps, big or small, every single day toward healing. Holding yourself in a place of ‘what if’ or living in the past will only prolong your pain.

3)      Seek help. If you need someone to talk to, a counsellor, or even joining a group that will offer the healing support you need, then do it. However, make sure the group’s purpose is to heal and move forward, and not linger in pain and longing.

4)      There is always divine timing involved when a soul transitions. Consider that maybe, just maybe, it's always our individual choice, whether consciously or unconsciously, when we want to leave this earthly plane. (For further information on this, I recommend Anita Moorjani’s book “Dying to be Me.”)

5)      Understand that your lover’s physical body is the only thing that has died. We are all energy, and energy cannot be destroyed. Their energy still remains, and always will be. They are limitless, pure positive energy with no constraints.

Remember: Our loved ones are always with us. They are in the pink sunrise and in an orange sunset. They are a rainy day and a starry night. They are an October wind that whispers through the trees and they are the quiet on a peaceful summer morning. They are the gentle touch on your hand and the soft kiss on your cheek.

When you begin to understand this, you will realize that your heart will go on.


Namaste. 

PS: Soul Love Awakening supports worldwide charities. Find out how at Prairiegirlpress.spreadshirt.ca .

Monday, 20 October 2014

One True Love



Most of us go through our lives searching for that elusive true love. We search for that person that will create ease, joy, and happiness in our lives, because true love never hurts. Right?

Let's look at it from a different perspective: You are hedging your bets on one person to be 'it'. To be the coffee to your cream. The jam to your peanut butter.

And, yes, you should definitely have that! There is nothing like two people fitting like a glove.
Putting all cliches aside, keep in mind that there are several people that will come and go in your life that will seem like true love (see The Myth of the One blog post). Because we are constantly changing and evolving, the relationship that happened in your 20s may not be applicable in your 40s.


However, your true love relationship isn't found 'out there'.
You actually know your true love already.
YOU are your one true love. Always have and always will be.

Before deciding to write this blog post off, consider this:
You are going to be with yourself for the rest of your life. No one else. Just you.


You are the one that needs to treat yourself with kindness, love, respect, and care. You have to treat yourself like a best friend; like a beautiful lover.

When you find out that your true love is the one that resides within, your heart will expand even more, opening yourself up to a deep soul connection with another person who is ready to expand further with you.

Much love to you, lovely souls!

Namaste.

Monday, 6 October 2014

Getting What You Want




Here's a question: Why aren't you getting what you want?

It’s because your focus is off. Couple that with not believing that you can have what you want, and also your negative emotions, and suddenly, you are creating things you don't want.

If you could pay attention to a large portion of your thoughts and feelings throughout the day (I know, there are at least 60000 thoughts per day, so don’t stress yourself out if you don’t catch every single one of them.), you would begin to see things change.

What we think about we bring about. While many people may dispute that this isn’t the case at all, and that they’ve been thinking positively most of the time.... like, for about a week.... what it comes down to is your vibration, the one that you've been carrying around for a very long time. You are used to it, and you don't even realize the frequency you are giving off because it is a part of you, and it will be a part of you until you decide to change it.

But, it takes time. Think of it as a muscle. When you go to the gym to work out, you aren’t going to see results in only 10 reps of arm curls or 20 squats, are you? No. It takes time to build muscle mass. But, if you go to the gym 3 times per week and consistently do your workout, you will start to see the muscles becoming more defined. 

Apply this analogy to your thinking. Your thoughts are just that...thoughts. They hold no real weight except for the importance that you give them.

Here's the disclaimer: thoughts and emotions can become things. You could be thinking a positive thought right now, but, if you are still feeling negatively, you won’t get anywhere.

Thoughts and emotion go hand in hand. If your thought process is one of seeing the outcome you want, but your feelings are negative, you won’t get what you truly desire. You'll just keep going in circles, recreating the same thing.  Oh, sure, you may experience some up swings, but the peaks and dips will be huge.

What you want is a smoother ride with the occasional bump in the road. Why do you want the bump in the road? That’s the contrast. That’s where you expand even further. If you were always on a smooth road, you would never expand further from where you are. You would never grow. You would stay the same. 



These bumps of contrast are there for you to shift your awareness. They are the wake up call for you to realize, with great clarity, of what you do not want. Once you feel that contrast, you must shift your perception to what you truly want.

If you keep focusing on the bump, you will create more bumps and bigger dips and peaks. After awhile, it becomes really annoying. You feel like you are on a crazy amusement park ride with no way of getting off.

Think the good thoughts, beautiful friends! Those are the important ones.
Namaste!


Monday, 29 September 2014

Authenticity - Part 2


This "Living Authentically" thing has been on my mind all week (see my previous blog post on Your Authentic Self). The conclusion that I came to was that: I'm not living authentically... and most people aren't.  

After I heard Alanis Morissette talk on Super Soul Sunday, it had me thinking lots about who I am. Truly.

She spoke about getting past the lies to the place where there is only truth. These lies that we tell ourselves usually come in the form of:
I'm not worthy.
I'm not valuable. 
My work is not valuable. 
I have nothing to offer. 
I'm not good enough. 

We wear a mask so others don't see what is really going on; not being straight forward with ourselves. Perhaps we are doing things that don't resonate with who we are, but do them to please others, save face, and to keep the facade going. When really, we are crumbling inside. 





When I speak of the authentic self, I'm not talking about the personality, or how we 'always' are when around others.

That is not the authentic self. Those things have to do with behaviours and beliefs that were instilled in us. That is your ego. That's the stuff we identify ourselves with, but are not who we really are. 

For me, it was a moment of realization: I'm not being authentic to me. I'm not doing those things that I resonate with. I'm not being true to who I am. I am not being true to where I want to go in this life experience. I'm not being authentic with others. I do things to make other people feel better at the cost of myself feeling worse. 

This happens in love relationships too: we adjust our behaviour to impress or accommodate. We lose ourselves. We tell ourselves that our needs do not need to be met. Our opinions aren't as important. Our time is not important. Our dreams are not important. 

We stop trusting our own guidance. We stop believing in our self worth. We stop believing in our own abilities.  We stop believing that we are this amazing being that can create worlds.

Have you been living authentically?
What lies have you told yourself? 

Keep shining, Beautiful Souls. 

Monday, 22 September 2014

Your Inner Being




Your inner being always knows.

It knows when something isn't right. It knows when a change needs to be made. It knows when you are longing for more, and it knows that you deserve more.

It knows your deepest wishes and it knows you can have them if you are willing to receive them.

Your inner being can always be trusted because it is certain. You can feel it. It feels like knowing. It feels unwavering. If feels stable and secure.

The only time it wavers is when you doubt the feeling; when you doubt that knowing.





"Inner silence promotes clarity of mind. It makes us value the inner world; It trains us to go inside to the source of peace and inspiration when we are faced with problems and challenges."
~ Deepak Chopra

Get in touch with your inner being by getting quiet. Meditate. Get rid of the excess noise and chit-chat in your mind, and get to the place where you can ignore ego.
If you aren't quiet within, if you cannot find peace, you are still in a place of ego.  You want to go to that place where peace, love and knowingness reside. That is the place of your inner being.

Listen to the deep inner awareness of yourself, Beautiful Souls. That is where the good stuff is.

Namaste!


Monday, 15 September 2014

Your Authentic Self




In this world of trying to impress others with our beauty, talent, and intelligence, what we really are longing for is to be loved. To be validated. To feel our worth.

However, we fail to do one important thing: Be true to ourselves. Be authentic. Be who we really are.

Don’t misunderstand me: there is nothing wrong with making a first impression; but make sure that the first impression is who you truly are, and the only way you can do this is by knowing who you really are. 




True beauty is the light that shines from within; and before you think that this is all fluffy crap, keep in mind that everything is energy/vibration. When we are attracted to someone, we are attracted to the frequency of that person because it is a match to ours. If you are not being loving to yourself, and don't respect yourself, you will attract someone who will reflect that back onto you.

So, what is being our 'authentic selves'? Being unabashedly who we are. Not putting on a show to impress, but letting our natural light shine and radiate out for the world to see. It means knowing our divine selves. It means knowing that we are love... knowing that we are worthy.
Loving every piece of our perfectly imperfect selves.




Be your beautiful selves, Beautiful People! 

Namaste. 

Monday, 8 September 2014

Falling in Love with Someone's Potential



Have you fallen in love with someone's potential? Maybe you are in a relationship with someone who you are constantly buoying up while you feel as if you are sinking. Maybe you are with someone who makes you feel uncertain about where the relationship is headed. Or, maybe you feel frustrated because you are not getting the relationship that you deserve. If this is the case, ask yourself, 'Why am I holding on?'

Certainly, you can say that you are staying for love, because love is the greatest thing of all! But, are you loving yourself enough? You are sacrificing a lot for someone who is unwilling to put 100% into a relationship with you. You have shown up, but they haven't. Basically, you've been stood up.

Ask yourself again why you would stick around when you have been stood up so many times? It's like asking someone for 2 $10s to change a $20 and you only get 1 $10 back.

You can't be their saviour. You can't make them become something that you want. You can guide them, but you can't make them walk through the door. That is entirely up to them. 

Don't get me wrong, if the relationship is slowly progressing, then definitely keep moving forward. However, when there is little to no progress, and you begin to question the validity of the relationship, then it's time to re-evaluate. 

If you've seen the movie Bridget Jones' Diary, you'll remember the scene just after Mark Darcy and Daniel Cleaver fight each other in the street. 

Darcy leaves, while Cleaver, still lying on the ground, says to Bridget Jones, "Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you, then I can't make it with anyone."

And Bridget, in that moment, comes to a very clear realization of exactly the type of relationship she's had with Daniel, and says, "That's not a good enough offer for me."


Is it a good enough offer for you? 


Namaste, Lovely Souls!

Monday, 1 September 2014

Healing the Past



The past likes to take a hold of us and make us relive it, in all its glory, in our minds and hearts. If it's a good memory, then we are golden. We love every minute of it because we can get into a good place while reminiscing, making our hearts burst with happiness and joy.

Then, there are things from the past that we regret, that we wish we could change. We relive those memories with remorse, beating ourselves up time and again.
Why didn't I do what I should have done? 
Why did I say that? 
Why was I so stupid?

There is this constant dialogue, usually on a daily basis, about how we could have done something differently; how we could have not hurt that person. Or, why did we waste so much time on trying to impress someone, make someone happy, when it ended badly? So many regrets of things we cannot change.

What burden have you been carrying for a long time? Has it served you? Has it helped you at all? If you have been hanging onto a past burden, and it has not propelled you forward allowing you to live happily and joyfully, then it is time to let it go. Adversity should only be a small portion of our brilliant lives. We should acknowledge the contrast as an opportunity for more growth, not as an excuse to beat ourselves up for the rest of our lives.





You can't change the past. The events that occurred have already happened. You can wish them undone, but it will always be. However, you can heal the past:

1) Send love to those you feel you've hurt. No need for excuses. Just send love.
2) Send love to the situation.
3) Realize in every moment you are making yourself better and better. The contrasting experience has made you more aware of what you truly want.
4) Send love and forgiveness to yourself. No matter what has happened, you need to forgive and love yourself.
5) Realize that you did what you could with the knowledge and resources you had in that moment. We are born perfectly imperfect. We are here to grow and experience. And we will continue to grow and experience the rest of our lives. Enjoy it!
5) Look forward and take the next step. Don't look back; you aren't going that way.

Remember, what has happened in the past has made you stronger, has given you clarity, and has made you an even better person than you have ever been. Thank the past for coming along and giving you the things you have experienced.

Most importantly, thank yourself for gaining the clarity you needed to help you take the next step to where you want to go.

Just like Bagger Vance said in the Legend of Bagger Vance, "You've been carrying this burden long enough. Time to go on.... lay it down."

Lay down your burdens and keep moving forward, Beautiful Souls!

Namaste. 

Monday, 18 August 2014

Are You Attracted to a Fixer Upper?


You’ve all seen those home improvement shows where a team goes in and guts a house, renovates it, then sells it for more than what they bought it for. Isn't it amazing to see the end product? So much hard work and dedication was put into making something so old and worn into something so beautiful.

However, this doesn't apply to relationships. There are many of us out there that fall in love with the 'potential' of a person, and believe that they can be so much more than what they realize. You are positive that, with your help, love, and commitment, they will blossom like a rose. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, and you rarely get a return on your investment.

Instead of the relationship being propelled forward, you are busy trying to fix them; lifting them up and trying to mould them into their full potential. 

If you are anything like me, you may have spent a lot of time ‘fixing’ others. It really is exhausting. Eventually, you get to the point where you can't do it anymore. 

Although, it is valiant of you to take it upon yourself to help your lover become everything that they are meant to be, at some point you will want to see them fly on their own. However, it isn't your job to make them 'better'. They have to want to do it themselves. 

And, if they do not take the lead, but choose to stay stuck where they are, you will spend the bulk of the relationship trying to make them feel good, while you become unsatisfied and resentful. 



This is where you have to ask yourself, 'Is it worth it?' Relationships do require effort. That is a given. However, you want your lover to be right beside you on your journey together and to grow with you. It would be remiss for me to say that there aren’t bumps and curves in relationships. They certainly do happen. But, when you are constantly being the life support for the other person, that means you have found yourself a 'Fixer Upper'. When you realize this, you have to ask yourself a few things: 

  • Is this what I truly want? 
  • Why would I attract this into my life? (In my case, several times!) 
  • How do I feel about myself? Do I feel worthy enough to have a stable, loving relationship? 
  • Do I feel it is my job to fix others? 
  • Is there something in my own life that I need to address, but have been ignoring by focusing on someone else's problems? 


The fact is, relationships are supposed to be enjoyable. Love is supposed to be fun. A relationship full of stress and indeciveness does not make a happy life. 

Time to be honest with yourself: 
What is it exactly that you want in a loving relationship? And, are you getting it in your current relationship? 

Make sure that you are loving yourself, respecting yourself, and being true to who you are! 

Much love, Beautiful Souls!

Namaste!


Monday, 11 August 2014

You Are Love

Dear Beautiful Souls,

As I'm writing this, I'm wondering how I can impress upon you how amazingly beautiful you are!
Truly, take a look at your fantastic selves!
If you can't see it, then you aren't looking deep enough.

You have come this far and learned so much about life and love. You have made it through times of contrast and adversity, and still, here you are, standing strong and stable on your own two feet.

If you are still beating yourself up because of the past, then stop...it's done. The past only has power if you give it power.

You went through those difficult times to help you grow. Be proud of yourself and how far you have come! It's an amazing thing when we can look back and say, "Ya, that happened, and I know so much more now. I have become better because of it."


Realize that every single day you become better and better; it's all part of this lovely journey that you are on.
Let the path unfold before you in brilliant and luminescent colours of your choice. It always has been your choice. You get to decide if you want to reach for a higher place, or stay staring at what is. Because you are here right now means you want so much more; to reach for better than what you've had.

Are you ready to take the next step and unravel another layer of your beautiful self? Start pulling back the veil and watch what happens. Go deep inside your heart and discover what is lying there waiting for you to awaken it. When you do, the fire within you will grow so brightly that nothing can shake you.

Remember, it's not what you do, how much you have, or where you have been that determines who you are; it's how much you are able to love yourself and love others.

You are, and always have been, full of love.

You are love.

Namaste!

Monday, 4 August 2014

Wild Horses Couldn't Drag Me Away.....




Lately, I've been thinking about 'potential relationships': the relationships that look like they have the possibility of being something, but become nothing.

Or, the relationships where we are sure that the other person is into us, but nothing transpires. Then, that becomes the start of billions of questions of wondering if that person really did like us in the first place.

As you can imagine, this is very frustrating.... with a 95% chance of a person's head exploding from the continued thoughts and analyses.

The feedback we are getting from our love interest is all very...well, wishy-washy. Plus, it doesn't give us much satisfaction if we have to guess all the time about someone's affections. Abraham-Hicks has a excellent analogy stating that, when you are aligned to that other person (and vice versa), wild horses couldn't keep you, or them, away. View the video here: Wild Horses

So, my questions is: Would you prefer to have someone who adores you and you adore them?

Or, would you rather try to convince someone, who is only half-interested in you, that you are worthy enough to be adored?



This goes back to my previous blog post Your Brilliant Light and how we tend to settle because we feel inadequate and not good enough for something better. 

Perhaps, we settle for less because we are afraid of change; afraid of searching for something more.  C. Joybell C says this quite eloquently: 

“We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don't have something better.” 


Wait for the Wild Horses. 

Namaste.





Monday, 28 July 2014

Living What's Important



In relationships (even in the potential relationships), our energies are typically focused on the other person. Where's this going? How does he/she feel about me?

We begin to over-analyze everything that the other person said: every text, every emoticon. We drown ourselves in thoughts about the future and the what-ifs, and suddenly, it becomes a 24/7 guessing game of trying to validate the relationship. It's maddening! And, if the relationship doesn't work out, more craziness ensues as analysis is taken in a new direction.

I certainly have been party to this--this maddening cluster of thoughts and wonderings that don't seem to end. That is, until I was able to take a step back.
I mean, really step back and look. Remove the tunnel vision and look at the bigger picture.

For me, it was a realization that I had been focusing on the wrong things. I had made my passion and my purpose secondary over something or someone that I had been clinging to for no good reason.

But, this is what we do. We forget what is really important to us, hoping that someone will validate and love us, not realizing we are chasing a ghost of potential.

Have you done this? Are you always the one showing up dressed in your best outfit, and the other person doesn't show up at all? And, if they do, they are showing up sloppy for you?

If you have, take a step back and really look at the bigger picture. View it like a movie screen and take in everything. Every detail. Certainly, the hope in your heart wants you to see and believe in the potential. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is always possibility and the Universe is unlimited.

However, what is it that you are giving up of yourself? And what are you getting out of this situation?
Are you putting more in than you are receiving? And why did you attract this relationship? (see previous post on Why You Are Attracting the Same Types of Relationships.)

For me, I always go into 'fix it' mode, trying to help others; giving of my precious time and energy, only to put my passion and dreams on hold, till finally realizing that I was losing a piece of myself by buoying someone up. There is nothing wrong with helping out another, just don't be their crutch.

If you are going through a relationship transition or are uncertain about where a relationship is headed, take a step back. Then decide with a loving heart that you will focus on what's important to you, and then do it. Focus on it. Remember who you are. When you focus on what you love about yourself, about your passion, the right person will come along and join in with you.

I wish you much love, Beautiful Souls.

Namaste

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Time for a Change





Last year, as I was mulling over this whole 'creating a relationship blog' thing, I hadn't become fixated on where the idea was going to go. All I know is that I had a story to tell, lots of experience, and the need to help others who where clearly struggling through this love/relationship maze. I felt that maybe I could help someone out there by offering a different perspective.


It’s been 5 months since this thing went live; and now I feel I know where I want this to go on a long term basis.

Soul Love Awakening is about deep love, the love that we all want to feel. Not only for others but for ourselves, because it all begins with us. To have deep, loving relationships, we must find that deep love within ourselves.

Soul Love Awakening is about guidance, growing, and about awakening to who we really are. However, words don’t teach, only experience does. We always have to do the internal work ourselves. Always.

So, this is the reason for the name change. To help others find a deeper, soulful love on their journey. 

I hope that you find solace and clarity here. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.” - Jarod Kintz

Namaste, Beautiful Souls. 




Thursday, 3 July 2014

Deep, Beautiful Love




I want to share my story with you so you can see what my thought process is about why I haven’t dated anyone in 30 months... and why you should not settle. Ever.

If you aren’t aware of part of my story, Trevor, my love and my best friend who passed away on Valentine’s Day 2012. Trevor had been everything: my lover, my cheerleader, my best friend, my confidante... we grew so much during our time together; always learning and expanding from each other and the world.

Trevor and I started out as friends, and built a strong foundation from there. Ours was a deep love based on mutual respect and care. The connection we had also ran very deep to the point where we could sense each other’s energy when apart. He sensed when I was having a bad day, or vice versa. The flow of energy was also easy. I’m not saying that our relationship didn’t come without adversity or contrast, or that it was perfect; but, when issues arose, we could work it out from a place of love.

Now, here we are, 30 months later, and I haven’t been with anyone. It’s not because I’ve been in mourning this whole time, or that I am unable to move on; nope, on the contrary. It’s about discovering who I am; loving myself; healing myself, and knowing what I want.

If I were to jump into something I only half-heartedly wanted, the result would be disappointing. Not only would it be unfair to me, but unfair to the other person.

Someone told me recently that I should get a Tinder account (or something similar), and I almost threw up in my mouth. Maybe there are some people who have found something lasting on superficial sites such as these, but it's not for this woman. I want quality, not quantity. But, this isn’t to say that you can’t find someone on these sites that might be ready for a deep and meaningful relationship. We are talking about energy here, and what you put out, comes back. So, have at it if that’s what you are interested in.


However, when you’ve experienced what I’ve experienced, a deep and beautiful love, you will not want to go back to anything less. You will not settle.  

I know if I were to ‘hook up’ with a man, or pick a man because he was warm and had a heartbeat, I’d be doing myself a disservice and would be dishonouring Trevor’s memory. He would not want me to ‘hook up’. He would want me to be with someone that would be able to give and receive deep love, to be respectful, and to be my best friend as well as my lover.

Now, here’s the take away: If you are looking for a beautiful, loving relationship, then build a strong foundation first. As much as you want to sleep with that person, try to take it slower. I have also had the fast relationship where you sleep together before really knowing each other—and that ended in divorce.

Get to know each other. Learn about each other. Be best friends.  What a beautiful thing it is when you can learn from each other without the huge weight of expectation. And, trust me, when you make that deep, beautiful connection, sex will be Off. The. Charts! 

I remember distinctly when I knew Trevor was my best friend. We had been talking and sharing so much that, one day, it was clear to me how important he was. And, not long after that, I knew that I really, really, really loved him. 

From that blossomed something beautiful, loving, passionate, and wonderful.

This is why I never settle.

I wish you much love, beautiful souls.
Namaste.


Monday, 30 June 2014

Tender Loving Care



There is a saying by LaShaun Middlebrooks Collier that says, "Self-care is possessing enough self-awareness to invoke repeated patterns of being, that harmoniously correct the behaviours of over-functioning for others while under-functioning for yourself.” 

We all do it. We give so much to others that we haven't anything left to give to ourselves. We put other's needs before our own, while starving ourselves of some much needed attention and care. 


This was an experience of mine last week where I had been available for everyone else but myself, which resulted in a melt-down. Feeling robbed of energy and not following through with some self-love, I became unable to function properly. There were things I had to do that seemed like a ton of effort; fortunately, I was able to push through because it had to be done. 


How many times have you given so much of yourself, in any relationship, and were not taking care of you because you felt your needs were secondary? I'm sure there are too many to count. 




We can also get stuck in the old "If I love this person a ton, they will eventually love me just as much." And then we set about the task of giving ourselves to that other person by either doing everything for them, or by loving them more than we love ourselves.

While it's true giving of ourselves is noble, there's a point where we have to remember to give to ourselves as well. It's a balancing act, but an important one. As demonstrated in my own melt-down, I wasn't giving myself the time and care I needed, and, therefore, was unable to give of myself to others.

How can you care for yourself?
First, realize that giving to yourself is important and not selfish.
Second, carve out time for yourself. If you have children, animals, or elderly parents to care for, then, yes, they need attention. That is a given. But, make sure you are finding the time for you to do what is important for your heart, your soul, and your mind. Only you know what that thing is and only you know the amount of time you can spend.
Third, make the commitment and stick to it. You are important. Your needs are important. What makes your heart sing is also important. But, one of the most important things of all is knowing who you are, and loving yourself fully.


Namaste, beautiful souls!