You’ve all seen those home improvement shows where a team goes in and guts a house, renovates it, then sells it for more than what they bought it for. Isn't it amazing to see the end product? So much hard work and dedication was put into making something so old and worn into something so beautiful.
However, this doesn't apply to relationships. There are many of us out there that fall in love with the 'potential' of a person, and believe that they can be so much more than what they realize. You are positive that, with your help, love, and commitment, they will blossom like a rose. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, and you rarely get a return on your investment.
Instead of the relationship being propelled forward, you are busy trying to fix them; lifting them up and trying to mould them into their full potential.
If you are anything like me, you may have spent a lot of time ‘fixing’ others. It really is exhausting. Eventually, you get to the point where you can't do it anymore.
Although, it is valiant of you to take it upon yourself to help your lover become everything that they are meant to be, at some point you will want to see them fly on their own. However, it isn't your job to make them 'better'. They have to want to do it themselves.
And, if they do not take the lead, but choose to stay stuck where they are, you will spend the bulk of the relationship trying to make them feel good, while you become unsatisfied and resentful.
This is where you have to ask yourself, 'Is it worth it?' Relationships do require effort. That is a given. However, you want your lover to be right beside you on your journey together and to grow with you. It would be remiss for me to say that there aren’t bumps and curves in relationships. They certainly do happen. But, when you are constantly being the life support for the other person, that means you have found yourself a 'Fixer Upper'. When you realize this, you have to ask yourself a few things:
- Is this what I truly want?
- Why would I attract this into my life? (In my case, several times!)
- How do I feel about myself? Do I feel worthy enough to have a stable, loving relationship?
- Do I feel it is my job to fix others?
- Is there something in my own life that I need to address, but have been ignoring by focusing on someone else's problems?
The fact is, relationships are supposed to be enjoyable. Love is supposed to be fun. A relationship full of stress and indeciveness does not make a happy life.
Time to be honest with yourself:
What is it exactly that you want in a loving relationship? And, are you getting it in your current relationship?
Make sure that you are loving yourself, respecting yourself, and being true to who you are!
Much love, Beautiful Souls!