Monday, 29 December 2014

New Year's Re-Solution: Turning Lead into Gold

As I mentioned in the last post, Standing at the Threshold, we've reached that time of year again where we reflect on the past and look forward to making the next year better. Many of us write out our resolutions or intentions with high hopes that these changes will stick; that we will be a different person with a different life by 2016. We crave change, and want to see some sort of progress in our lives. We want to become unstuck. 

I heard the best explanation of the word 'resolution' today. Instead of seeing the word as 'resolution', see it as a 're-solution', a re-do of the 'solution' that you concocted from the previous year. Just like an alchemist turns lead into gold, you are essentially mixing different ingredients to create a better solution than the one from the previous year.

But, how does one create change, especially since you wanted to make changes last year and nothing happened. When the alchemist turns lead into gold, there has to be the right combination of ingredients and actions to make the gold a reality. Obviously, if the alchemist has failed to create gold in previous attempts, he/she must adjust the ingredients and the process. 

To create what we want in our own lives, we must change or adapt and become what we want to bring into our lives. This requires diligence and focus on our part. It requires adapting our thought processes. It also means being aware of our emotions and not falling back into our old way of thinking and being. It takes work, effort, and dedication.  It won't change over night. It's a process. 

Jeanette Winterso said, “It is not possible to control the outside of yourself until you have mastered your breathing space. It is not possible to change anything until you understand the substance you wish to change.” 

Understand yourself--this is what self-mastery is. It is knowing who you are and that you are the creator of your own life. The current circumstances that are occurring for you right now are manifestations from old vibrations. If you were to consciously choose your thoughts and emotions everyday for 30 days, you would see movement in your life that will surprise you. 

Dear beautiful souls, it is time to mix a new solution. Even if you aren't sure if you are adding the right components, just get started and adjust along the way. You don't need to know it all right now, just begin. 

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Standing at the Threshold

As the holiday season approaches, most of us become more reflective about our lives, taking the time to slow down and determine what we truly want.

The other night while watching Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, I realized something with regards to what the ghost Jacob Marley said to Ebeneezer Scrooge: "I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”

Now, I don't believe we carry these things into the afterlife only because we return to pure positive energy when we do croak; however, I believe we carry these chains right now, and we add to the link the more we carry anger, resentment, regret, fear, and unhappiness. And it's always our choice to carry it or not. 
The good news is we are not alone. Most of us carry these chains because we have lost touch with who we truly are. We choose to bind ourselves with negativity, making it a form of protection, and not realizing that this is what is strangling us. The sad thing is, we are doing it to ourselves.  
Eckhart Tolle would say that these chains are ego-based. We hold onto these negative emotions for numerous reasons, including to feel in control, or feel we need to struggle or suffer to get to the good stuff. Maybe we feel holding onto these things will make us more aware. It won't hurt as much if we are already prepared, right? 

How can we let go when someone has hurt us, especially since we are angry with ourselves for allowing it? We can't move on because we are so busy looking back at what happened. We become paralyzed in our own negative emotion. 

Firstly, it's time to be honest with yourself: Are these negative emotions serving you? Maybe in the beginning you felt that they offered something to you for a short period of time. But, right now, in this moment, do you feel they serve you? No. They aren't. They are binding you, just like they did to Jacob Marley. You can't control other's actions, you can only control your own actions and reactions. 
When you come to this realization, that's when you start to feel the chains dropping away. 

The second thing to do is, when you feel like you are ready to react to a situation, which is all ego, send love to that person. Immaculee Ilibagiza, author of Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, said that when she came face to face with Hutu tribe members who were killing all Tutsi tribe members, she envisioned sending love to them, and discovered that they backed down, letting her pass to safety. If Immaculee can send love to people who had killed the majority of her family and friends, you can send love to someone you feel has wronged you. 

Dear friends, we are standing at the threshold of a new year. It's time to let go of the chains that bind you. 


Monday, 8 December 2014

Effort and Struggle

So many of us think that struggling is key to a happy life. You slug away at your job, your relationship, and your financial situation in hopes that, at some point, things will turn around. Maybe you believe that karma will balance things out because you've earned it. Right?

Seeing as this is a relationship blog, let's use relationships as an example: You've worked at your relationship for years. You've put in the time, the hard work, the struggle. Now, where's your reward? Isn't that how it goes? We are taught that if we struggle, it will justify our existence.

Here's the thing, there is no reward for struggling. Nope. Never. 
However, there is a reward for alignment and deliberately creating your life, and that does take work...but the good kind.

This leads us to knowing the difference between effort and struggle. Struggle means keeping your head above water so you won't drown. It means forcing. It means working so hard that you have nothing left to give at the end of the day. There is no gentleness in struggle. There is no flow in struggle. So, if you are struggling in a relationship, ask yourself why?

Effort, on the other hand, is a completely different thing. Effort is gentle. It is focused and determined. It is seeing the outcome and heading in that direction. Effort is required in everything we do: Getting dressed in the morning, driving to work, making a meal, writing a blog. Effort is also required in relationships. More importantly, balanced effort is a must. Balanced effort means that the goal of both people involved is to make the relationship amazing. It's not about making the other person happy, and vice-versa, because we cannot rely on others for our own happiness. 

It's about making the effort and taking the time to adjust your own vibration to what you want. It's never about arguing who is right. It's never about trying to get that person to respect you. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Truly, completely, and without reservation. Your partner will either adjust their own vibration to meet up with your new vibration, or they will simply fade away and someone else will come into your life that is a better match for you. 

The Universe doesn't make mistakes, and it will always comply with your vibration, regardless if you are deliberately creating it or creating by default. 

So, beautiful souls, get into the vibe of ease and flow; it will take effort, but the good kind. When you do, you will wonder why you didn't do it in the first place. 


Monday, 1 December 2014

Don't Shoot the Messenger: Thanking the Messengers in Our Lives

I have mentioned before that we have many great teachers in our lives (see blog post here). However, let's elaborate on this a bit more.

When we are in a love relationship, and it starts to go sour, we are keen to blame the other person due to their actions and behaviours. We try to get them to act differently, become different just so we can feel better about the relationship and ourselves.

First, we can't make anyone do anything. Second, we are the only ones that can make ourselves feel better. And, third, we are attracting these people into our lives due to our energy, because the frequencies always match up (see blog post on this here).

But, let's take this a step further. These people that come into our lives are showing us something that we need to see. So, really, they are messengers.

Maybe you have been asking yourself how you can be happier. Maybe you've been wondering how to attract a better lover because the one you have, or the ones you have had, weren't stellar. The past relationships that we have experienced, or the one that is moving on right now, help us to catch a glimpse of how we feel about ourselves. Anything less than loving is unacceptable, and it's not up to someone else to love us so we can finally love ourselves---it is all up to us.

When these messengers come into our lives to show us what we need to see, and then the relationship begins to fizzle, we desperately hang on to try to get back all those good moments from earlier. Sometimes, we hang on for years, sometimes decades, just to make it work.

This isn't to say that putting effort into a relationship by seeking counselling isn't doable. However, most of us know when the relationship is at the point of no return.

We have to recognize that moment of having enough of the same old story. We have to recognize that moment of when it's time to back away. 

Take the experience of the relationship as what it experience, an awakening to who you are. Don't blame. Just thank them for showing you what you needed to see, and then move on with your new found knowledge, knowing that you are getting better and better every single day. 

Stay true to yourselves, beautiful people.