Monday, 23 March 2015

Love, Death, and Moving On

Nothing is more poignant than the moment in the movie “PS I Love You" where Holly is coming to terms with the death of her husband, Gerry.

She says, “And then I meet Gerry. This wonderful man happens to me and then, and then he died! What was the point? I'm so angry I could kill somebody. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have, he's not here. I mean, you're alone, no matter what.”

If you’ve lost your love, this quote will most likely resonate with you. Finding someone who connects with you on every level, who brings to the relationship something deep and beautiful, and then passes away may have you wondering what was the point.

Anger. Frustration. Confusion. Disappointment. Rejection. Fear. Heartache.These are all the emotions you can expect to feel, and there seems to be nothing that can make you feel better. That hole in your heart stays where it is, throbbing.

While it's true that you feel as if you won't ever feel normal again, or that you will never be able to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on, I'm here to say that it will happen.

However, to do this, the action begins with you. Everyday is a new day. Everyday begins fresh. The pain in your heart will slowly, but surely, subside. Everyday, you take gentle steps to move forward, because that is what your loved one would have wanted. Everyday, you learn something new, grow in your awareness, and heal a little bit more. 

The steps you take don't have to be big ones; they can be small steps that might not look like much, but they are huge when you lump them all together. 

This transitional time is where you take care of you. You give yourself the love you need. This is the time where you wrap your arms around yourself and tell yourself it's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel crappy when you want to. Give yourself permission because you are the one in control of your emotions. 

Just don't live there. Don't hold yourself in that place of not moving forward; it won't do you any good and it won't bring back your loved one. We can try to hold ourselves in limbo, but this will never move us forward, nor will it allow us to live our lives to the fullest. 

C.S. Lewis said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting your loved one. They will always be with you. Whatever your belief is, they are always beside you, in your heart and mind. They are always be a part of you. Take comfort in knowing that this time will pass. Take comfort in knowing that the universe wants to continue to fill your life with amazing and wonderful experiences, but only if you are open to them. 

Take care of your beautiful heart!

Monday, 16 March 2015

It's Groundhog Day...Again

"What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?" - Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day 

In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray plays a news reporter who relives Groundhog Day over and over and over...until he experiences a shift within himself that finally moves him on to the next day, and a better life. 

Maybe you've experienced this before, a point in your life where nothing seems to be moving forward; where everyday is just like the last one. You wake up each morning and nothing has changed. 

Because this is a blog about relationships, let's focus on that topic, keeping in mind that this post can be applied to anything in your life that you feel isn't moving forward. 

Energy is always in motion. Things never stall or stop moving. But focusing on what isn't going right and what isn't happening gives the impression that things have come to a standstill. In actuality, the momentum is going the opposite direction of where we want to go. 

Things can appear as if they are a never-ending revolving door that we are stuck on, going in a circle and wondering when we can get off. We don't realize that it is up to us to make the move to step out when we see the next opening.

Making that move can be difficult because we have been wired, over a long period of time, to believe many untrue things about ourselves and about life. Things like, 'I'm not worthy or I'm not deserving. This is how life is and I might as well accept it.' 
We surmise that, seeing as this is what our parents went through, then we must have the same life as well.  

But, just like Phil Connors, the change begins within. There's no waiting around for Superman or Wonder Woman to show up to save us or make the decisions for us--we have to save ourselves.

Holding ourselves in that place of what is happening right now, and disliking it for what it is, will not get us to where we want to go. What is happening right now is a creation of what we were focusing on in our past. It's old news already, and, if we keep reading the old news, we will keep getting the old news--until we shift. We have to take this moment and change our perception about our situation, and continue to do so till it becomes dominant in our thinking and emotions.

Knowing that you deserve better, reaching your hand out for something better, and expecting amazing things to come...that is how you leave the revolving door. You keep waking up everyday and choose differently. Choose a different feeling and a different perspective. Wake up with gratitude and appreciation, and the knowledge that you have the choice in the thoughts you think and the emotions you feel.
This is what real power is.

If you are waiting for a sign, then here it is. The moment you started to desire for more in life is your indication that it's time to take a step forward. You can't wait for others to catch up to you, to make the decision for you--you have to decide that you are ready to change something and envision better. 

What can you do today to reach for something better? 

Monday, 2 March 2015

Best Friends to Lovers

I'm a huge believer in lovers being best friends first. As someone who has experienced both sides of the coin (jumping head first into a relationship as a lover, and also building a friendship that turned into a beautiful relationship), I can honestly tell you that the 'friends first' route is a lovely way to go. 

Here's why: 
1) Building a relationship based on friendship gives you a strong foundation to grow from; a foundation that is very difficult to tear down. 
2) There are very few expectations when building from a friendship. You both can be yourselves.
3) There's a certain gentleness to being able to start in a place of friendship. It's a lovely progression where trust is built. 
4) There's something really honest and open when growing a relationship from a friendship. 
5) Taking the time to really understand one another, prior to the physical part of the relationship, creates a deeper intimacy and a stronger bond. 
6) There's a feeling of ease and calm when building that strong foundation; something that is rarely experienced when a relationship becomes physical too fast.   
7) When the sexual stuff does eventually happen, it will be incomparable to anything you've ever experienced before because you've created that deeper connection.

Once you have this solid foundation constructed, the relationship will continue to expand, grow, and blossom into something beautiful and meaningful. So, take it easy. There really is no rush. 

Does this mean that the relationship will last forever? Not necessarily. People change and grow, sometimes in different directions. It happens and that's okay. You can create more lovely experiences like this one. It's not a one time thing. 

Dear lovers, find someone who wants to get to know your soul and who wants to really know who you are on every level. It's worth taking the time for.